The People Pleaser’s Guide to Saying ‘No’

Many people struggle with saying ‘no’ effectively. Sometimes it’s because they leave opportunity for the other person to persuade them into saying ‘yes’ to whatever they’re asking. But, it is important to remember that ‘no’ is a complete sentence that needs no further explanation. Being assertive, yet respectful in your ‘no’ can reassure that the other person understands that you hold the power in this situation.

Many people use manipulation tactics when making certain requests. They may try to shame or trick you in their favor. You give yourself an advantage once you understand these tactics because knowing that someone is trying to manipulate you into a situation can also remove the guilt you may feel when you tell them “no”.

Putting yourself first ultimately has a positive effect on your relationships. Always saying ‘yes’ and putting others’ needs before your own can lead to burnout—which can be the cause of loss of motivation, decreased satisfaction, feeling helpless, detachment, and more. Therefore, it’s important to occasional deny plans or requests, so that you can grant yourself alone time to recharge.

It’s important to set boundaries in the beginning of your relationships. This way saying ‘no’ becomes a little bit easier and allows you to remove the fear of potentially damaging your relationships because people may avoid making certain requests altogether because they already understand the limitations that have been set by you.

If you still fear saying ‘no’ and potentially letting people down, try offering an alternative to their request. An alternative can be you offering them a different date or time or suggesting that they ask someone else. By offering an alternative, you’re not completely shutting them down, but you’re still allowing yourself to uphold your set boundaries.