Being A Black Student At A PWI

Following the release of Beyoncé’s Netflix Documentary Homecoming: A Film by Beyoncé, I spent a lot of time thinking about my college experience. At the time of it’s release, I wished that I could have experienced college the way she interpreted it through her performance. She was the first black woman to ever headline Coachella. So, when she refrained from pulling out her flower crown for her performance and instead “brought our culture to Coachella,'' as she states in the film, I was reminded of the importance of incorporating black faces into white spaces.

My junior year of high school, I went on a college tour for Historically Black Colleges and Universities in the Washington, DC, Maryland, and Virginia area.

According to the Higher Education Act of 1965, HBCUs were established as a means to serve and educate African Americans in a time where they weren’t granted education in the same spaces as white people were to be educated. HBCUs date back to the mid-1800s and a program for direct federal loans was established for HBCUs.

One of the universities that we visited was the famous Howard University. Howard remains to be the most recognizable HBCU as it once housed the likes of Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs, Toni Morrison, Chadwick Boseman, Thurgood Marshall, Taraji P. Henson, Zora Neale Hurston, Debbie Allen, Phylicia Rashad, and even our favorite—Rachel Dolezal. 

I always imagined myself going to school away from home, but even greater, I always saw myself going to an HBCU. The culture that is behind HBCUs is acknowledged and described throughout generations of black families, films, and sitcoms.

Seeing the student life and culture that is to be had at a HBCU always intrigued me—from marching bands and dance teams to Greek life and African American studies.  

My mom pledged to Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. and was largely involved in Greek life throughout my childhood. I had always envisioned that for myself and distinctly remember talking to my friends in middle school about pledging. Although, you could pledge black sororities and fraternities outside of historically black universities, I knew that the experience was much different and greater when you pledge at a HBCUs.

I went to predominantly white schools for my entire 18-year education—which included a private, Catholic elementary school; an all-girls private, Catholic high school; and a private Jesuit college.

Although I did not experience any blatant issues regarding race during elementary and high school, I could imagine that the lack of representation and diversity had an effect on my youth. Although my elementary school was private and Catholic, there was a healthy brown and black population. As for my high school,  there lied the issue that there were only 12 black girls in my class of the 105 girls that I graduated.

Every black person knows what it feels like to be the only black face in a room, while not too many white people have experienced what it feels like to be the only white face in the room.

I know what it’s like to be both surveilled and overlooked by white people. Those experiences are how I’ve learned to navigate the white space. 

Black people are to either over perform or underperform while in the company of their white counterparts. It is up to us to determine when we should disclose which side.

There are times when we don’t want to appear too ghetto, or even “too black”. But also, we are faced with times when our blackness is seen as a caricature and we are expected to be the character that everyone can laugh at.

The college that I decided to attend was somewhat of a last resort. I didn’t officially decide on a school until a week before my high school graduation.

I went into it with the intention of transferring out after I finished my first year. I constantly witnessed debates on Twitter about life as a black college student at a PWI versus a HBCU.

I initially felt guilt for choosing my PWI.

Black students who attend HBCUs felt that black students who attend PWI were “sellouts”. Meanwhile, black students who attend PWIs think that they are receiving a better education because it is endorsed by and shared with white people. The guilt-tripping from the other side was what kept me still married to the idea of going away for college in order to obtain the full experience like the one I had grown up seeing through the artistic lens of “A Different World”, “Drumline”, and “Stomp the Yard”.

But freshman year went into sophomore year which went into junior year and senior year, and before I knew it, I was preparing to graduate from that same PWI.

Having gone to predominantly white schools for my entire life as a student and then attending an HBCU showed itself as potentially being a culture shock to me.

I knew the culture because I was raised upon it, but I feared having to get reacquainted with it on such a large scale.

Although, there were definitely moments at my PWI where I felt overlooked and under-appreciated, I can’t say that I had a terrible college experience.

As a person with several situated knowledges, I felt that I should have been looked to more often as having something to share. I often went unheard, blatantly ignored, having literal doors shut in my face, over-talked during class discussions. I have overheard non-black students use the n-word and watched them compare their artificial tans to the naturally melanated skin of black students after spring break.

Black women are one of the most educated groups in the United States. Michelle Obama wrote in her thesis, “My experiences at Princeton have made me far more aware of my 'blackness' than ever before. I have found that at Princeton, no matter how liberal and open-minded some of my white professors and classmates try to be toward me, I sometimes feel like a visitor on campus; as if I really don't belong.”